please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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