She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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