As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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