i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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