I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
