just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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