I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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