I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
