Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
