just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
