Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
