You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
being pregnant is like rehab
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
