I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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