We're facebook friends in real life
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
