we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
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Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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