hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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