'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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