WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
