she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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