At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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