i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
