I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
