Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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