So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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