Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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