I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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