my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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