meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
