You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
