I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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