He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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