Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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