You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
