Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You took a bar mat shot.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
