part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
