...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
