At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
