yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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