It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
