Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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