What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
