He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
