You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
