the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
