I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
