I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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