you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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