It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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