he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
