The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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