Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
