youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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