just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
