You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
