dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
