I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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