The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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