I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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