Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
