Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
