3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i will never coherently bang her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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