the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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