I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
