I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
