Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
