I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
