so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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