we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
