Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
