she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
