Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
