I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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