i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
